Why I Probably Failed USMLE Step 2

My bro recently got a job with a car dealer that only deals in high-end stuff. So he gets to drive any car he wants from their lot. His most recent acquisition was an Audi TT convertable! If you’re unfamiliar with TT’s, just think of a 300 horsepower matchbox car.  They’re extremely fun two-seaters built for nothing but going real, real fast.But the important news is that he needed to go out of town for over a week and he couldn’t take the car across state lines because it was owned by the dealership…so he needed to “loan” it to someone. Ever willing to help in times of crisis, I volunteered to watch his car.  Desperate (apparently), he took me up on the offer.

The car has – count ’em – 6 gears.  While this may be normal for Jeff Gordon and big-rig drivers, it’s new and cool to me.  Add to this the fact that you can clear 100 MPH at <3000RPM in 5th – so think about what that thing can do. The thing is so low off the ground, you can barely slide a piece of paper under it, which means you can boomerang around a 90-degree turn at the conservative pace of about 55mph (ok, I’m eggagerating, but when you’re used to an ’87 Ranger, the thing feels like it could take a corner that fast).  The car is smooth, too.  I can honestly say that if I hadn’t looked at the speedometer, I would have guessed I was going about 65 when I was at 105.

As you can understand, every hard-working medical student preparing for career-defining USMLE 2 needs to break up the day.  You know, let off some pressure.  Naturally, the TT quickly became part of my study breaks.  I must say, those 20 min breaks – stretching into 40 and 60 minutes frequently – allowed me to return to my dull day of studying pumped up and awake. If I failed my USMLE’s, it’s because all Heavenly providence had been used up protecting me from smashing myself into elemental particulate vapor against some cliff or tree:

Gabriel – “Ahem, uh, good morning, Sir. I’m sorry to wake you, but you wanted me to notify you when Geoff went in for his USMLE test.”

God – “Go away. I’ve been up for 3 nights straight.”

Gab – “Ok, uh, but he’ll probably need your help with the test.  It’s an all-day thing, you know.”

God – “True. So, when’s he leaving for the test?”

Gab – “That would be…RIGHT NOW. He just launched out of his driveway at 120 MPH. Provided he survives the trip, he should be there in the next 4.2 minutes.”

God – “Well, then there’s a good chance we’ll be seeing him here in about 5 minutes.  If not, he’s on his own for the test.  I’m going back to bed.”

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